September 4, 2003, it was a Thursday, I am at work in Edmonton and Lauren is in Ottawa visiting family. Her vacation is winding down before she heads back to Edmonton. She is meeting my parents for lunch today, a nice visit before heading back West. I am looking forward to her return and not looking forward to my dentist appointment I have scheduled for the Saturday morning before she returns.
The phone on my desk rings…it’s my personal line…no one has this number but Lauren…I look at the time and it’s just around lunch time in Ottawa with the time difference. The call display says Bell payphone. I pick up the line…it’s my oldest brother…a sense of panic grips me…why is he calling…he would never call me…he speaks and the words run through me like ice:
Tom -”Dad's in the hospital you need to come home…”
Me- “What’s going on, where’s Lauren? What’s happened?”
Tom – “Dad is in the hospital and it doesn’t look good you need to come now.”
Me – I start shaking and can’t even think straight “Okay…”
Tom – Hangs up
I go to my boss’ office and say to her “I have to go, something has happened to my Dad in Ottawa. I don’t know when I am going to be back”. She says to me “No problem, Robin; take as much time as you need and go be with your family and let me know what’s happening.”
I gather my things from my desk and head out and once in the car I start calling people. I am very upset. I get a hold of my brother Shane and he fills me in a little on what’s happened. Lauren was having lunch with Mum and Dad at Kelsey’s at South Keys and he choked on his lunch and is currently in intensive care and the General Hospital. I tell him I am heading home and to have Lauren call me when I get home.
I get home and start trying to find a flight out to Ottawa. The first one I can get is first thing the next morning. I book the flight and arrange for a pick up at the airport by one of my brothers.
I talk with Lauren and she tells me everything that happened. My parents picked her up and they decided to go somewhere close by for lunch so they went to South Keys. Once there, it was a choice between Denny’s or Kelsey’s. When they were entering the restaurant, Joy to the World by Three Dog night was playing and my mum turned to my Dad and said “It’s our song” (Apparently back in the day when this song would come on at the mess they would dance to it). They ordered lunch and while they were waiting Dad asked Lauren “How’s Robin’s garbage business going?” (At the time I was working for Waste Management in Edmonton). Their lunches arrived and they started eating and mum and Lauren were talking; suddenly they realize my Dad wasn’t saying anything and they realized he was choking. They call over a waiter who tried the Heimlich maneuver (Please note that when attempting the Heimlich maneuver you have basically one opportunity to dislodge whatever is stuck with the air that is in the lungs at the time, so it’s really a one shot deal) to open my Dad’s airway but it wasn’t working. Meanwhile someone had called 911, but Dad was turning blue. Lauren and my Mum couldn’t do anything but wait for the ambulance. By the time the ambulance got there and got in and they partially opened his airway, he had been without oxygen for almost 20 minutes.
September 5, 2003 - I barely sleep all night; I am at the airport by 5:30am (flight leaves at 8am). Throughout the whole flight I can't think of anything but what is going to happen. I did take the time to watch the in-flight movie to try and get my brain relaxed; it was Bruce Almighty. Once I land, Shane picks me up at the airport and we head to the hospital. He takes me straight to the IC unit to see Dad. He is just lying there on the bed all hooked up to IV units, heart monitor, and breathing unit. I remember his hands were so warm and I expected him to react when I took his hand, but nothing. You know when you have some hope, based unfortunately on movies and TV, that when a family member from afar arrives, that the person in the hospital is going to have some miraculous recovery and wake up to their touch - it doesn’t work that way. We find out from the doctors that there isn’t any brain activity and it appears due to the lack of oxygen, but we should wait and see. Wait and see, maybe Saturday will bring some changes. Julie arrives from Sault Saint Marie. Now the whole family is in town.
September 6, 2003 - Saturday morning dawns bright, sunny, and a little cool. We head up to the cottage to collect things for Mum and Dad and to get Dad's truck and bring it back to the city. Just two days before at work in Edmonton, I had been showing people pictures from the cottage that my mum had emailed me and saying how much I missed it and here I was standing at the cottage thinking “This is not the way I wanted to be here.” We collect Dad’s truck and close down the cottage and head back to the city. Everyone is at the hospital and the family meets with the doctor again and he gives us our choices, as another MRI and CT scan has shown that there is no brain activity and that Dad is in a vegetative state. Either we leave him on life support for an indefinite period of time or we take him off life support and let him pass away. Mum calls a family meeting at her house for dinner time to make a decision. We all know though what the best decision is, but she wants everyone to have a say in the matter. Everyone is there, all the children and their spouses, as this decision affects everyone. Mum lays out what the doctor said and everyone agrees that the best course of action knowing that Dad would never want to live his life as a vegetable, was to take him off life support. We decide to do it on Sunday afternoon. Everyone heads home.
September 7, 2003 – We spend the majority of the day at the hospital knowing what is coming. They unhook the breather and they monitor him. They tell us that it doesn’t generally happen right away but it can take awhile. Each time they come in to adjust him or as they call it "roll him", to prevent fluid building up, it takes its toll on the body and the vitals will drop. For over 5 hours we stay and we wait and we watch. Finally around 11:00pm the nurse says that she believes the next time she rolls him that it will be the end and if anyone who isn’t here needs to get here, we should call them now. A couple of people had gone home to refresh and we call and get them to come back as soon as they can. Just around 11:30pm the nurse rolls Dad and his vitals start to drop faster and she leaves the room; at approximately 11:47 he passes away and the only sound in the room is the heart monitor flat lining and the emotions coming from all of us as we cry and hold each other. The nurse comes in and turns off the heart monitor and asks if we want she can remove all the tubing so that we can say goodbye. We all step out of the room while she takes care of that and I remember my brother turning to Lauren and I and saying “He was supposed to see you get married." The nurse says we can go back in, and everyone that wants to goes in one last time to say goodbye. I am one of the last ones to leave and I lean over and give him a goodbye kiss on the forehead and let him know that I will always love him and miss him. It was a solemn procession that left the General Hospital that night just after midnight; I drove home alone as Lauren was driving mum home and it’s a night I will never forget.
It was 8 years ago today that my Father passed away and there is so much I wish I could tell him and show him. I wanted him to be at my wedding, I wanted him to meet his grandson, and I just wanted him around. I know, though, at the time of his passing he was going to be starting on Aricept, which is a drug given for the early stages of Alzheimer’s, and he had gone through a couple of strokes but was doing okay. I am just not sure what his quality of life would be like now if it hadn’t happened.
I learned a lot from him growing up and looking back, I appreciate those lessons in life. Sometimes they were hard and I didn’t understand why, but it helped me learn and become the person I am today. I appreciate the fact that, because of him, I know how to tie a fisherman’s knot, change a starter motor in a truck, how to make Yorkshire pudding, and so many other things that I wouldn’t know if it weren’t for him. While we didn’t always see eye to eye, I knew he loved me and I loved him.
Rest In Peace Dad
No comments:
Post a Comment